saying nothing is more embarrassing than saying the wrong thing

“How could you communicate with the future? It was of its nature impossible. Either the future would resemble the present, in which case it would not listen to him; or it would be different from it, and his predicament would be meaningless.” – George Orwell, 1984

I feel like Chicken Little, running around (and running my mouth) about the sky falling. There are signs and as I plead with everyone to listen to me, I feel myself looking crazier and crazier in the process. Those who’ve already turned their head up to look have realized it, but the rest keep the brim of their red hats tucked down tight to their brow, shielding themselves from the truth.

“…He was a… man of paralysing [sic] stupidity, a mass of imbecile enthusiasms–one of those completely unquestioning, devoted drudges on whom, more even than the Thought Police, the stability of the Party depended.” – George Orwell, 1984

He is making a mockery of you.

It’s somewhat impossible to feel sane while speaking out about blatant injustice– if I’m right, why does everyone else have their heads shoved up their own proverbial asses? (I considered making an ostrich/sand metaphor here instead, but when they’re up to their elbows in bullshit, it just makes sense.) I wonder if I should get fitted for my tin foil hat and start stocking my bomb shelter with canned goods for the end of days.

But I’ve noticed that when you feel that way, it is the most important time to speak, to write, to communicate in whatever way you can that this is not alright by you. And this, certainly, is not alright by me.

Just over a month ago now, what had long been a celebration of our very democracy was used as a stage for the most hateful gesture in world history. I struggle to find the words to explain how truly disgusting this is, because I never thought any explanation would be necessary. To use a gesture symbolic of an era when Jewish people, mostly, but also disabled people, LGBTQ+ people, people of color, and so many more, were kept like cattle– beaten, starved, overworked, and eventually murdered en masse– when you’re one of the leader of the free world’s henchmen, is sickening, to put it far too mildly.

Many of those who have attempted to excuse this behavior have tied it to his Autism Spectrum Disorder diagnosis, though it seems peculiar to me that those who can excuse a Nazi salute because of a disability are often the same as those advocating for the dissolution of 504 education services for disabled students. I can’t say I’m shocked that the quasi-dictator holding our highest democratic office has gone after education, though. Education is the key to seeing injustice and, when used for the dissemination of propaganda, is the key to blinding those who don’t know better. Our most vulnerable population and the key to our future cannot be taught to think for themselves; they must be taught to agree with the xenophobic beliefs held by our Commander-in-Chief and his followers. 

But, how do you teach US history without explaining why the pilgrims left England to begin with? How do you differentiate between the religious freedom the pilgrims wanted and the religious persecution our government is advocating for? (And that’s without even getting into the treatment of Native peoples, which I know from my own education they have been able to seamlessly write out.) A rewriting of it all, is how.

The frenzy of executive orders and barrage of horrifying headlines day after day is not accidental. If you feel yourself wondering what we should really be paying attention to, know that that’s exactly the point. The laughable attempt to rename the Gulf of Mexico, though steeped in racial bias and anti-immigrant sentiment, isn’t anything but a distraction from 23-year-olds firing the federal workers who protect our nuclear weapons and work to minimize the distribution of nuclear weapons worldwide. The focus on buying Greenland, a country that is not at all for sale, is a distraction from the attack on antidepressants. “Long live the king” on an official White House communication is a distraction from the shadow government being formed before our very eyes. 

A child dying from measles. Shouting at a world leader on a livestreamed meeting. Saying a country being victimized by war is not ready for peace. Spending tax dollars on trips to the Super Bowl and joy rides around Daytona, while consumers pay more in electricity, gas, necessities because of the tariffs you enforce. 

Though I have these conversations in my daily life, it’s taken me too long to write something that sustains because I’ve been scared of not saying enough. That I’m not going to remember everything, that I don’t understand all the nuances. But then I’m no better than the others I’ve called out for being silent. We need to speak on anything that strikes us as wrong because we don’t need a small group of people who call out every injustice; we need everyone to call out any injustice they become aware of. Your silence now will implicate you in the horrors that come next.

I’m vocal because when my children ask me how this happened, I want to be able to say I was not one of them who allowed it, that I talked about the laws put on my body, that I talked to the people I loved about the rights of someone they love– the rights they could lose–, that I would not be silenced even when it made people uncomfortable and cost me some of my dearest relationships. Because the people who loved me wouldn’t have made me worry about how I’d live on my own, without a man to hold a job or control my money. They wouldn’t have stood idly by as cancer research was cut; they wouldn’t have wanted others to hurt like I have after losing my Dad to the vicious disease. They wouldn’t have wanted me to worry about my access to life-saving medications or the possibility of ending up on a “healing farm” because of SSRIs that have saved my life.

But, this goes far beyond me. To the trans folks who have been denied the ability to exist and just lost the right to fight for their Country. To the migrant children who will be moved to a country they’ve never known, just for a point to be made. To the people of color who fear for their lives under an administration that cares only about whiteness. To the Jews who’ve heard stories from grandparents, who are praying “Not again.” I speak because I owe it to them. Because I owe it to my children. Because I owe it to the people who have done so throughout our history. If you’re not speaking, I’m asking you to question why. If this is okay with you. you likely have not found this post at all. But if there’s some trade-off that makes it feel worth it, sit with that and really decide if it’s worth being silent in the face of true evil. You owe it to the rest of us to do so. 

And if it is, I hope you can sleep at night until they come for you.